I have always had nightmares and I have written about them before but I am really having a hard time understanding why I have been having the dreams I have been. My stress dreams have changed. It used to be that I was lost, running barefoot, riding a bike on the freeway or running on the freeway, in a public place with half my clothes missing, searching for a restroom and only finding messy, dirty, clogged overflowing bathrooms… but now I keep yelling at my parents (who are both gone), and I am yelling at them for dumb reasons. Last night I dreamed my mother came to pick me up at the morgue after work and I was driving and backed into a brick fence because my leg wasn’t working right and I couldn’t hold the break while backing up. I realized I needed to go talk to the residents and make it right and somehow it just happened to be my cousin’s neighbor, so I went around the block and talked to the residents and that went okay, but then I was at my cousin’s yelling at them, and then home yelling at my folks that I had to get laundry done and why did they put clothes in the washer with mine.
Since my parents have been gone they are in my dreams a lot and it is usually fine but lately all of my dreams seem so angry and frustrating. I wonder if it is because we thought we found a place in Idaho and now we are in limbo again, and all the things we are trying to do here. Oddly enough, my dreams are never here. They are almost always at the house of my childhood. I have no idea why. Maybe because those were my formative years or the only house I remember living in with my parents. I was too young to remember our first house and when I moved out of my childhood home, I have always lived with my husband and kids. It bothers me so much when I wake up feeling angry at my parents. Is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Have I not really dealt with losing them? My husband doesn’t understand why I chose to “remember” my dreams but what he doesn’t understand is when I wake up, I always feel what I was feeling in the dream – be it anger, fright, happiness, etc.